Why is ‘make-up’ sex so good? Couple therapists explain

Makeup sex resulting to better orgasms should be the only reason couples should be fighting more. According to studies, people who are in a destructive relationship tend to go back to the partner who abuses him/her because of the brain’s reward system. Your neutral network is very sensitive to rewards like sex, affection specially when they are unexpected. Hence, we often see a lot of people going back to their jerk of a partner despite being treated very badly.

This reward when unexpected and becomes much more alluring does not have to stick to couples who are in a bad relationship but also among couple who are in a healthy relationship. So, what is it that the argument that leaves you emotionally drained can result to a physical filling? Studies by couple therapists explain the reason behind an explosive make-up sex.

According to Huffpost, a 2008 study out of Israel’s Bar-IIan University suggested that people tend to be more interested in sex with their partner after being posed with feelings of emotional threat, such as the other partner leaving the other for someone else.

In couples therapy, many men and women report falling into a pattern of “fight, and then get freaky,” said Marissa Nelson a marriage and family therapist in Washington, D.C. (It sure beats the other route couples take: withholding sex for a period of time after an argument.) 

“For many, conflict is something to be avoided so this is a way to reconnect without words or apologies,” she said. “What’s more, the release of the ‘love hormone oxytoxin during sex makes couples feel closer. They get that ‘feel good’ rush that soothes some of the emotions that may have come to the surface during the argument.” 

 “I always say to my clients that sex is a place you enter and a role you step into, so if that time after an argument is a safe place to explore more kinky or assertive sex, that can be very sexually satisfying,” Nelson said. 

Meghan Fleming, a New York City-based psychologist and sex therapist adds that the need for makeup sex has more to do with our survival,

“Our attachment system gets activated during a fight,” she said. “When we disagree, the attachment bond feels threatened. It activates our fight and flight instincts. Arguing is arousing physiologically, as is fear and excitement, so the body is turned on ― there’s an increased heart rate, respiration and blood flow.” 

Douglas Brooks, a New York-based therapist adds that makeup- sex is much more pleasurable because our body’s already at a heightened state of arousal, making sex more pleasurable resulting to better orgasms.

 “As I have often observed, most orgasms are not due to the mechanical pounding of intercourse but because of the intense heightened emotional state and arousal prior to blast-off. Often during an argument, particularly a passionate argument, our bodies get worked up, too’’ he added.